I have a quote that sits on my desk. It has been on my desk for over twenty-five years of pastoral ministry and comes from The Imitation of Christ by Thomas a’ Kempis, a 15th Century canon:
I have lost you and myself as well, by the inordinate love I have for myself;
in seeking you again, I have found both you and myself.
When I’m honest with myself, I do display an “inordinate love I have for myself.” I’m not proud of that. I wish it were different. But I often think of myself first. I think of my needs above those of others. I certainly place my own wants and wishes and desires ahead of anything God may ask of me. I’ve sought to build my own kingdom, the world where everything is all about me. I have an inordinate love for myself.
Sadly the result of believing and behaving this way is exactly what the author indicates: “I have lost you and myself as well.” All this striving after me, looking to satisfy me, doing what pleases me—and I lose myself in that. Even worse, I lose God.
Jesus instructed His disciples to do the exact opposite of having inordinate love for themselves. He told us to deny ourselves, take up our cross, and follow Him. Jesus explained that in losing our lives for Him we would save our lives. In seeking God, I would find myself. I would find who I am, what I am made for, and why God put me on earth. When I seek after Jesus with my whole heart, I will discover the reality of living in intimate relationship with the God who made me and loves me. I will indeed find all of God. And I’ll find myself as well. I’ll find the me that was created in His image and designed for His purposes and for His glory.