This passage is half of a long and hearty exhortation from Paul to the church in Rome. He was trying to impress on the Roman church how Christians should behave. It reminds me of the things we used to say to our kids as they left the house to go to school. Actually, we used another blessing with them: “Go now in peace, hold fast to that which is good; render to no one evil for evil; strengthen the fainthearted; support the weak.” And then we would add things like, “Be nice to your teacher, and don’t bite anyone.” Our passage today is a little like that. Paul is trying to shape those faraway Christians he had never met about how to interact with their world.
One verse stands out to me, as a pastoral care person: “Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” (Romans 12:15)
Often I will speak with someone who is grieving, sad, or emotional, who struggles with tears and says, “I know I shouldn’t cry. I should have more faith. I shouldn’t feel this way.” I always reply, “What are you waiting for? If you can’t cry over a death, or an illness, or a lost job, or financial or parenting or marriage worries, what are you saving tears up for? It’s normal and OK to weep.” Christians, Paul says, should indeed weep with those who are weeping. What he means is that we should try to feel what they are feeling. We shouldn’t deny their feelings by telling them, “Cheer up!” or “Don’t cry, don’t worry, don’t feel bad!” None of that, Paul says! Instead, weep with those who weep.
He also says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice.” I know a person who, whenever I share good news with her, will never look for the silver lining but instead for the storm cloud within it. She will verbally brace against joy and fight back: “But what if? Have you considered this drawback? I have read that. . .” She thinks pushing back on joy is the mature way to think. But Paul says, “Join others in their joy.”
It’s good to remind ourselves that we Christians are not put on this earth to counteract others’ deep inner feelings. Instead we are to join with our fellow believers, to rejoice with them when they rejoice and to weep with them when they weep.